"I'd Rather Drink Muddy Water" Marc Broussard (Lou Rawls cover)

Ah a winter wonderland! I open the front door and the snow is falling silently, softly. Nature's beauty at its finest. And a 2-hour delay offers me time to write (finally!). I've been thinking about a few things to share. Not sure if it's too raw and real though.

Confessions of a Serial Dater

I have been considering writing a series about the men I dated and the trauma that came from it-- also, shining a light on how some men abuse their status and power, hang-ups, porn, online dating woes and a relationship that eventually led to my decison to stop dating altogether-- a 5 year hyatus. Yeah, some messed up shit. Sound interesting?

Another topic that I'd like to write about is my mom. I might start there today since she drunk called me last night.

Parents always say they don't have favorites, but I think most of them do. Lucky for me I only had one--and when you do it right the first time (or get divorced when she is 2) you don't need to have another. Well, I am the favorite. I may not be the one who files her taxes or takes her to the doctor, but I am the one she tells her secrets to. I am the fun daughter.

Yes, there is resentment from the other two. To be fair, I didn't choose to be the favorite-- it was circumstance that caused it. Plus, I look just like mom and we have the same quiet disposition. Plus, we both endured a lot of crap from our spouses. Only difference is I chose to leave.

And she stayed.

While I know her religion dictated that she couldn't leave a bad marriage, she was also of a generation that didn't know how to do those hard things. Dad threatened to take everything and leave us broke and destitute. I doubt that he would have--but it was enough to keep up the charade for many unhealthy and unhappy years.

Mom is down to 104 pounds now. When she called she was making home-made spaghetti sauce. Ok, so I know I didn't get the cooking gene and I like to say it skips generations (although my sisters are both amazing cooks), why on earth at 84 years old do you need to make home-made spaghetti sauce when you can just open a jar and heat it up? Just saying.

Anyway, I worry from afar and know that I will miss those calls, where she is beaming with pride telling all her friends what I am doing and what I have done. She loves to brag about me.

I will miss her when I have a question about gardening and I know that she would have the answer. Speaking of gardens--my girl texted me yesterday and said she wants to plant a garden. (Now I get to be the excited one). When Lilly was growing up, I taught her all of the things my mom did about herbs and growing veggies and flowers. We had a garden plot at our church where in the summer months I would take her up and teach her about how to maintain the plants--the labor of love that comes from weeding and watering. I would quiz her on the herbs and even would teach her about how to identify tree leaves--specifically sassafras-- and we would make tea with them. I told mom about it--and she was so happy to hear of Lilly's interest that she cried. Glad that I make her so happy.

This post is all over the place. I wanted to talk about the song I posted (you should really take a listen to these songs!). I found Marc Broussard in my DJ days, and he was on my mind this morning. I googled him and he is on tour--and nearby! When I first heard him I was stunned by his soulful voice--I almost thought he was Black. But he has such range-- blues to jazz-- You should check out more of his stuff! I hope to get tickets to the Lexington concert.

Here's hoping that you are practicing some self-care. I doubt that you are--so sending big love your way.

"Be Thankful For What You Got" William DeVaughn

I'm not one to brag, but I am just a little bit today.

Feeling the good feels today here at work. I walk around and see the gratitude on all the faces. The smiles and appreciation for me are real. And it feels good to be respected. When I worked here in the past, it was a different feeling. Maybe I was so stressed out and stuck in my own shit to notice--but I think my coleagues really do think I'm something of a wonder. I can walk tall and proud. I know what I am doing. I am connected to this place. It still feels like home.

Feeling thankful for all that I got!

Show me your truth

no time to write as of late! Keep working on that version of yourself that is real!

"This is the Path" Alan Watts

I watched this and it gave great clarity to where I was the other day. We are like rivers, not straight lines.

I also heard this and it stuck, "Love is a verb, not a noun."

Good Stuff.

"Hold On" John Lennon

Just watched a great show on Netflix called Danny Collins starring Al Pacino, that is loosely based on a true story. Premise: After reading an interview by Danny Collins in a magazine, John Lennon wrote a letter to Collins (British musician Steve Tilston).

Tilston, who is the real-life inspiration for Pacino's Collins, was unaware of the letter's existence until 2005, at which time he was contacted by an American collector who owned the letter. Based on the true story of musician Steve Tilston, who received a letter from John Lennon 34 years late (in the movie it is 40 years). Danny seeks redemption by leaving behind his glamorous, empty life to find authentic connections and write new music.He rethinks his life, wondering how things would have been different for him if he received the letter at the time--what choices he would have made given Lennon's advice.

I think about my life, and I wonder what if I stayed on the path I was on, where would I be now. I don't think I would be as happy. I also wonder if I were to receive a letter by someone I admired, even if it were to arrive decades later, how would I react.

The soundtrack includes 9 Lennon songs. Pacino kills the role.

The snow falling outside is lovely. Once chores are completed, I am building a fire-- one of my favorite pastimes in winter. There is nothing like the sounds and smells of a crackling fire. I haven't felt motivated to do much as of late. I think it might be some low grade depression. Not the best time for it, as my class is winding down and I have about 7 wine write ups to do. Those tastings started in January, and I have no idea what I tasted back then.

We went looking for kitties yesterday. It feels like a bit of a betrayal looking for a replacement so soon. I saw a few that were sweet, but I'm not ready just yet. I am holding a place for Perc.

So much to do today. That's what happens when you decide to enjoy your weekend and then wait to the last day to do all of the life maintenance crap. One more week of class for me--then what?

"When you're by yourself/

And there's no one else/

You just have yourself/

And you tell yourself/

Just to hold on."

"Seasons" Chris Cornell

Good lyrics here. Great song. Has it been 7 months? Feels like an eternity.

as the Seasons roll on by

We go from a sunny 70 degree day back to frigid winter. The trees are starting to bud out and the bulbs are popping up. I hope the cold snap doesn't kill the new growth. You can always tell that spring is around the corner when there is an uptick of skunk spraying around town.

I am ready for new life and new beginnings. What about you?

Going to play some records and drink a little red wine tonight before the Hoosiers take on Purdue. Let's Go!

"Watch Me Go" Lord Huron

Look out, Here comes the storm!

Today was one of those unusual days when I was thinking of an artist while driving to work, and when I changed the channel, that artist was playing. I thought, oh, well that's a coincidence and went on with the day.

But after the workout while driving home, it happened again--same song, same artist!

Lord Huron, what are you trying to tell me?

Bring on the storm.

"American Obituary" U2 & Ethan Gontar (Irish Folk Tune)

I love you more than hate loves war.

I love that musicians are standing up and writing/performing protest songs. First Bruce with "Streets of Minneapolis" and now U2 with "American Obituary." I personally like the Irish cover better, but you can take a side-by-side listen and decide for yourself.

How are you anyway? I miss our old playful banter. I really hope you are well.

I'm a windows down or open kind of person. Have you ever been with an A.C. person? Ugh, so awful. They HAVE to have the AC on, can't stand fresh air. I open the windows every chance I get.

Today, driving to work I was listening to Simple Minds with the windows down. The stale, stagnant air of winter swirled the dust around and the sweet, cool dewy spring air took its place. Did I meniton that I think Spring is Sexy?

"Pacific Theme" Broken Social Scene

Hello devoted readers (haha),

I like having a place to write in secret. It's like a open road in the middle of nowhere. I can say anything and there is no judgment.

Here's another band from back in the early 2000's I used to dig. They hail from Canada, and Feist was a force for good in the group. I used to open every Womenspace show with a track from a different album. It was a breathy tune--I'll keep digging until I find it.

30 days until spring, and yet, it feels like it could come today. I make a practice of going outside in the morning to inspect the changes. It used to be to pick up the morning paper and let the cat roll around-- but I don't have either of those in my routine anymore.

I've been missing Percy a lot lately. I expect to see her waiting at the door when I get home, nagging me to let her outside, you know, all the things. I finally took the litter box out and took all the remaining cat food to the shelter. I suppose every day will get easier, but right now it still sucks.

I am wrapping up my long-term gig next week, and actually have mixed feelings about it. I've grown to really like these kids--10 weeks is a long time and well, you could say I've grown attached to them. Still, it will be nice to focus on the goals I was working on before and really prioritize my training and my studies. Last night's tastings had me drinking a Pinot Noir from Israel and a Primitivo from southern Italy. Both are wines that will stump you in a blind tasting b/c they don't fit the mold. I learned that the Primitivo is like an American Zinfadel but with less alcohol. (a new favorite).

* I found it! "Her Disappearing Theme" is the song I used in my opening music bed on WFHB.What do you think? XO

"Defiant" Charles Lloyd and the Marvels

I had this album special ordered and it finally came in. It features one of my favorite guitarists, Bill Frisell, and includes a few tracks with Lucinda Williams. The title track, "Vanished Gardens" just sounds like a jam session with a bunch of guys vibing. A pricey little number, but worth it to have in the growing collection.

While at Landlocked, I inquired about the soon-to-be released Honora, Flea's solo debut coming out in March, and was added to the list! There is a great song on the record titled "A Plea" (well, the video is odd) which is, according to Warner Music Group's Blog:

A Plea describes the song’s lyrics, which reflect on the divisiveness in our country and our world, as “yearning for a place beyond, a place of love, for me to speak my mind and be myself..."

We could use a not-so-gentle reminder of where we are right now. So thanks for that, my dude.

I got ready for work with the window open and the birds are really active. Their tune has changed, giving a nod to spring's arrival. I see the tips of bulbs starting to appear in the dirt and smell the earthy wet promise of rebirth. The sunrise was also tremendous, sporting puffy pink cotton candy clouds wallpapering the morning sky.

Spring is so sexy.

"The Perfect Kiss" New Order

Let's just start by saying Dr. Winston, WHY NO 2-HOUR DELAY TODAY? I couldn't see 2 feet in front of my car this morning.

I heard this song driving into work today. With the right set of headphones, this song pings in all the right places. The new wave 80's synth, hand-clapping and digital sampling of frogs croaking (The Cure used bottles clinking in what sounded like an alleyway in "Love Cats") takes me back to those teen years when music was my savior.

I share a room at work with someone who likes to keep the lights really dim. I know the kids like it, but it's a windowless cell and the longer I stay in here the more oppressive it gets. It makes everything cloudy--and I like things crisp and bright.

Which got me thinking about people-- there are some people who look blurry to me. How to describe it-- it's like smeared lipstick, or a filter on your camera phone--just. not. quite. in focus. Hair is disheveled, clothes thrown together, a giant wrinkle, a wave of colors and patterns that are mis-matched. Maybe it's just working in a public high school and these kids are figuring out their creative individuality? I suppose it is better than all the trendy kids who look exactly the same. They mirror each other--instantly forgotten and lumped into the same person. The sweatpants and birks or brown lug sole UGGS. The boys all go to the same hair stylist.

It does bleed out into the adult realm. The blurs are out there, showing their mood on the outside.

I think I look rather androgynous--fluid. I wouldn't call myself feminine. But my lines are clean and my features defined. My colors are compatable.

I just know that I don't blur.

"Trouble Me" 10,000 Maniacs

The sun finally poked its head out just to tease us today. I've been holed up in my "little soma room" (Richard Buckner) for a few hours catching up on work and school. I have started taking the Sommelier practice exams and I find that only about 40% is sticking.

If you asked me at this time last year what I would be doing 1 year from then, I would have such a different answer from what is actually in play.

I recognize that taking a full-time gig at university would have been a huge mistake, leaving me little time to shed my skin. I've had time to be fully present for people who needed me, and have met a few who see me, and I see them.

I am grateful for the opportunity to help out colleagues in their time of need, have had a chance to reconnect with my music, reinvent myself physically and express myself outwardly.

I hope you are finding time to do those things as well. In the chaos of life, I see now that there is never a good time to do the thing(s) you want/deserve to do. There will always be something--some obligation, some excuse, some undeserving/unworthy/unselfish reason for not doing it/them. Retirement has taught me to go for it--I hope someday you will too.

Trouble me?

"Thinkin About You" Flea

I mentioned my affinity for bassists and trumpeters-- FLEA KILLS BOTH!

I found this one by accident, a 2026 release-- Flea's solo debut, Honara. So glad a hero of mine is still making great music at 63. Take a listen, it's a good Sunday vibe.

The drive home gave me time to reflect. A few times I laughed outloud replaying the interesting visit I had with mom and Lilly. Between DJT Damnit dolls, Epoch Times articles and her strange Valentine gifts she gave us, I don't know if the insanity would be worth writing down or if I should just save it for a future comedy routine.

I think she must have panicked when I told her I was coming to visit, and so she wrapped up anything that was there. My gift was an opened box of Tagalong Girl Scout cookies, a jar of honey (who knows how old it was) and an old candle in the shape of a pie. Most likely a regift from her 87 year old "friend" who shops at Goodwill and brings my clutterbug mother MORE dust collecting tchotchkes.

We were also given several "interesting" articles from her right wing rag, The Epoch Times.

I get profound pleasure from lining my Guiena Pig's cage with them. It's either that or lighting them on fire.

I found out that there is a Mini Series of races leading up to the Indy Mini in May. Unfortunately I missed yesterday's 3 miler-- but I ran 3 at the gym, so I count that as even. I signed up for the next 2--a 6-miler March 11 and a 10-miler April 11. I have some serious training to do. I asked Lilly if she wanted to do them with me, but she is so laser focused on the MCAT study, she doesn't even feel ready for the Indy Mini. I can tell that she is tired of the grind and is in a rut right now. As a mom, it's hard to see your kid in that place, but she knows it is only temporary. Her exam is April 10 and then she can get back to doing the things that she enjoys. I am proud of her determination and resolve. I can only hope she got some of that from me.

Just wanted you to know I'm Thinkin About You. Hope you can feel it.