Thoiught I would put up a song with a little Spanish flaire. I saw this band back in my dj days at the Bus Chumb. They give off serious masculine energy. I could feel it so strongly and I was sitting up in the balcony.
I created my summer 2026 pool list and am listening to it as I fly out west. Many of the songs on the list came from this blog. "Angel from Montgomery " is currently playing. For some reason I feel like crying. Not sure why. I've been short fused and impatient lately. Hopefully this trip will give me the space I need to do something productive and yet take the down time to regroup and figure some shit out.
There is a woman I used to work with that isn't on this work trip but just happens to be vacationing in San Antonio who is friends with my travel partner. I would consider her to be judgmental and critical and to be honest, is not a nice person. Her first words to me were "Wow, you have lost a lot of weight. What is your secret?" First of all, I have learned in the past 6 months that there is a right way and a wrong way to comment on a woman's weight. In my encounters with all kinds of people, only two (who both happen to be teachers) were rude about it. She is one of them.
In case you were wondering, the first way is to say nothing. But if you must comment, you say, "You look great!"
Anyway, I am glad she decided not to work for ST this summer because I can't stand her.
Was thinking about a friend that I lost touch with today-- and I realized that I don't make friends easy because I give too much of myself and they bolt. Then I play the tape in my head as to what I did wrong. Over and Over. Ha-- Gillian Welch just sang "though there was a time when you and I were friends..." From her song "The Way It Goes" Funny but sad. Now I am crying.
I think some people are just better as loners. I also am emotionally open and too vulnerable because being real is something I expect from a friend too.
Losing someone is harder than just NOT engaging. Full Stop.
When I first got divorced, I met a friend who lived in my neighborhood. She had a daughter who was in my girl's class and we did everything together. Our favorite thing to do was to drink cheap wine and read tarot cards while the girls played. She was getting her P.H.D. in Harpsichord Pedigogy. I thought, "Wow, a real friend! Finally!"
One summer, I went over to see her, there was a note taped to the door. " STUDYING FOR EXAMS DO NOT DISTURB" I knocked anyway. No answer.
I called and texted only to go to VM-- but it was full.
We were in the middle of making plans to go to Disneyworld wiht our girls-- a big step for me to trust someone-- especially after the divorce. I understood her need to study, but to completely shut me out so abruptly and without notice was too much for me.
She never returned a single response for 2 months. I was heartbroken-- what did I do?
A few years later I learned that her ex-husband (who was a total putz) died suddenly, so I reached out and she acted like nothing had happened. She started chatting like that long hiatus never happened. I see her around occasionally and she inquires about my girl and tells me her drama-- usually standing in a random parking lot around town.
I guess people all handle friendships differently. I just keep picking the wrong people. Wounded birds they all seem to be. I'm there to fix them--but I can't. Then they are gone. I guess we were never really friends. I was just a person who made them feel good for a time and then "back to our old lives, I guess."
You don't know who you hurt. But man, you did.
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