I'm up in Grand Rapids and I remember the photos you posted about this place in December. So beautiful here. This hotel, the vibe... I see why so many want to move this direction.
Still, I am a summer girl, so the cold winters would break me. I couldn't weather it.
These work trips remind me (too late) of the noise and incessant chatter that so many people live day-in-day-out. The small talk, the trival mindless blither over meaningful spoken words. I come back to my room exhausted but not inspired from these mundane exchanges. I come off as standoffish-- but I am instead protecting myself from the mindless tripe that the people I work with spew.
Unspoken words weigh the heaviest on the heart. And I feel that every day.
The past two days I found myself in a loop of invisiblity. We pass a castle-like building and the most VOCAL unread, untraveled and unaware asks, "what is that building?" And I say, "It looks like the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. I've been there. "
But those words seem to be unheard by everyone in the car as the conversation moves on to, " I don't know; it looks like some kind of castle." She says, " I did 37 years of thinking; I 'm done>" Yet she leads the idiot conversation of trivial stupidty .. I miss having intelligent or at least interesting conversations about music, travel, books --anything but being schooled as a pickleball paddle is not a raquet and it's not like tennis...
I fucking kid you not, This happened at least 3 times on the 5 hour drive up.
I feel I am working with folks who are totally on a surface level mindset. I am stuck on the set of some b-movie ( wait! that was last week!) that has no substance and I cannot escape. And I hate it. I felt this way last week too. Where are all the interesting people??
Only once did I meet someone who broke the barrier and actually talked about meaningful things. And it's not the same anymore. It is now trival bullshit.
I forget how surface level and unaware so many people are on this plane. It is painful.
I want to write about the rift I am having with my girl but it's too much for tonight. The distance between us is growing; her somehow disgust of me is obvious with every dismissive, boundary setting and cold text exchange and I am leveled to my core. The one person whom I thought could stand the test has become my biggest critic and avoidant.
It's just another reminder to not invest your heart in anyone--not even kin. Because in the end
They, too ,will break your heart. And there goes another one.
