when I am at a place of extreme stress, sadness, anger or any other pressing emotion
I
HAVE
TO
RUN.
And by run, I mean disappear for an hour and take it out on the cinders and ash near my humble house in the small town where I live.
I don't have the lush mountain ranges or the long stretches of greene county fields that remind me of my youth and the long cross country season to get lost.
Still, between the glorious crush under my feet, and my body, hyper-extended midriff and shockras open, I find the much needed relief that only running can supply.
And finally, today, I was able to decompress as only running--not human connection--can do for me.
While visiting my parents over the much anticipated, family-centered weekend I found myself lost and alone in what it all meant and my place in the landscape, the only way I could seek refuge was to run.
and run I did.
It was probably going on three miles before my mind caught up with my body and I realized that I had been gone about an hour and needed to get back. You see I was free for what seemed like only minutes--similar to the feeling I get when swimming laps in a pool when your body and mind are in sync and no one can hurt you or make you feel like less than you are.
you are invincible and soaring high above the world, in touch with your body and each footfall, or sometimes when lost in working out a conflict or problem in life, you feel absolutely nothing.
I could have run for miles and miles on sunday morning.
Still, today, it was a struggle to move and the run did not come easy. I got past the 1 mile mark and my lungs accepted the surge of air and the tightness in my chest subsided. My legs felt like lead as I pressed on, turning up the volume and forcing my thoughts on the blackness in my heart that prompted the run in the first place.
And on good days, I overcome those woes
at least for a little while.....
until I have to walk home from the nearby cinders and ashes
and the tears, like clockwork
form and fall as I make my snotty walk of shame
back home alone.
