Hello. Twelve noon on a Wednesday. I took the day off--needing some time to do things normal people do after work and on weekends, like sleep, eat, read, write, think.
It’s hard to do in a few short hours.
I am not sure what I can say on the blog any more. After reading about that freak who killed his ten year old neighbor and planned to eat her...then I read in a newspaper article that his blog mentioned him wanting to be normal, asking for God's forgiveness, and something about canibalism--yikes! I can only imagine what people would think of the things I have posted.
I am also bummed (but see the point) of Google restricting what you can look up online now without buying the book. It makes it hard to directly quote things without logging on and being tracked. I should have seen that coming. Still, it is frustrating when all you want is a poem and you have to jump through so many hoops to get it…
I just finished Carson McCullers Ballad of the Sad Café and other stories. Really the other stories. “Wunderkind” “The Jockey” “Madame Zilensky and the King of Finland” “The Sojourner” “A Domestic Dilemma” …but still need to read the last one, “”A Tree, A Rock, A Cloud”.
McCullers is nice-she doesn’t get me teary-eyed like the Russian authors do, but her descriptions in places are delicious all the same.
Other recent readings include a short article on the new term for parents (and mid 30 somethings) like me from the April 3, 2006 NewYork Magazine entitled “Up with Grups” by Adam Sternbergh. Check it out if you have time.
I saw Memoirs of a Geisha Saturday night. Loved the film. Need to read the book. More and more I say that now as I am watching a film how much better the book must be. Capote’s bio had me feeling that way too. Brokeback Mountain however didn’t have the effect on me I thought it would.
In other news, I learned to sail this weekend. On Lake Lemon, of all places. It was nice getting back to the water. I miss it so. There were a few times I thought the boat was going to capsize, but I managed to stay afloat. It was a great learning experience for me and an exersize in patience and giving up control to the elements.
Lilly grows more and more amazing daily. She is officially potty trained. She loves to read and play in the dirt. We play lots of imagination games, which is a good sign. I cannot believe she is three.
The other day we were digging in the dirt near my apartment,
“Mommy," she whispered,
"you’re my best friend.” She kept digging and I stopped and looked at her, trying to decide whether or not she knew what she was actually saying.
The feeling was exactly the same as the wind-being-knocked-out-of-you-feeling when someone says I love you for the first time--unexpectedly and unforgetable.
I currently hate my job and cannot wait until summer. Still too early to say whether or not it is the time of year when burnout rears its ugly heard or I am seriously ready for a change, but think this time that the latter applies. Time to start looking for something new.
The Cyprus Fulbright was actually cancelled for this year. I received word that funding arrived too late, and that several of the 12 people selected had reservations about committing to something that seemed risky and so up-in-the-air. I am hoping that they will invite me back to participate next year.
The daffodils and bright red flower blooms from small bushes around town are mostly spent now. The last time I was given a bouquet from a man was a little over three years ago. It will be a long time of waiting for that to happen again. I curse myself and my plain looks. I curse my longing for intellectual, physical and spiritual connection with someone. Still, hope springs eternal, I suppose.
Hope you are well. I miss you.
