this one's for you

"Blue"
Words and Music Sean Kelly

Is it me or just the weather
the sun has trouble shining through
a smile is gone but not forever
above the clouds I know it’s blue
I know it’s blue
I think it’s time to look beyond me
for who I loved has gone away
I think it was worth the walk and talking
although I had not much to say
not much to say
Is it me or just the window
the sun has trouble shining through
it takes the rain to make a rainbow
above the clouds I know it’s blue
I know it’s
I know it's
I know it's blue.

Thinking of you today.

ok day, part 2

Now sitting on the other side of the day, I can say it was pretty ok.

I have been blessed with a friendship that has blossomed in the past few months--in fact, the night of my meltdown it was reassuring to hear that D.C. voice on the other end. I am not used to someone accepting me as I am; someone who actually shares openly and likes my music.
I have been mooling around the concept of people who inspire you to DO something with your life and others who just take from you--like vampires. Sometimes charming vampires-but vampires, no less. Well, ours is a give-give. It's nice for a change. There is hope in humanity after all.

My trip to Playa also brought many surprises--including an amazing couple whom I spent much of my island time. They wanted to hang out with ME! We shared stories, books, laughs, dinner, breakfasts, walks, "state of the union addresses" and many tears. He is your typical poli-sci prof who writes a lot of academic books, his beautiful wife, affectionately known as Sweetie, is a therapist.
I am sure this is the closest display of true love and devotion that I have ever witnessed. It was touching--and reassuring that it does exist somewhere--

I wonder, to myself why I finally find people to relate and they all live so far away. One of life's cruel jokes, I guess.

I called home today to check in with the folks. Mom proudly announced that they watched the Inauguration all day today. She was upset she didn't tape it. There was a pause on the line and I assured her that it was ok that she didn't and that I would NEVER want to watch it as long as I was living. And another one of life's cruel, cruel jokes.

ok day

The purple haze from my window was calming this morning. I stayed under the covers and curled up--noticing my feet were cold. I didn't wake feeling anxious, guilty, remorseful, which is what usually happens when I join the conscious. Today it was all ok.

I finished another book last night called Open House written by Elizabeth Berg. And though I could relate to the main character, there was something that just didn't seem realistic about it. I also read a silly book I found at the airport called he's just not that into you by greg behrendt and liz tuccillo. funny stuff--but all true.

Today I am taking my daughter to get her first haircut. I am excited to see her reaction--I just hope she doesn't get upset.
Back at work the kids are gearing up for the student matinee teaser. I hope everything works out. Wonder what my replacememnt is feeling right now. I wonder what everyone is doing over there. I feel so distant from everything--and it all seems so trival in nature. Is anything really that important?
So I will take my calm feeling and go out into the dark, quiet morning, drink my coffee and keep my head down.
It's going to be an ok day.

yes, I am crying, so get over it

I just realized that I have nothing interesting to say,
I have no new insights on life, I am not trying desperately to impress anyone, no one cares what I read, say, quote, listen to, eat or drink, whether or not I wear perfume or how incredible my daughter is.
and that makes me pretty sad.

so in that case, I just read a great book called the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime by Mark Haddon
Here are some random things about me:

Hi. this is me. I am a nice person. I hate it when I am described by others as "nice". If you are with me, you know that I feel at ease if I actually talk, skip or sing. I might even throw a snowball at you.
I like soft kitties and sincerity. I just spent 4 days alone in Mexico. I hate winter. I like to laugh and play practical jokes.
I like flowers more than the average woman. The star spangled banner makes me cry.
So does the last stanza of the The Lord's Prayer. I love sacred hymns played on the organ.
I talk to strangers.
I don't have a best friend.
I prefer mornings to evenings.
I know the words to pretty much every mainstream rock song ever written. I can work a line of a song into any conversation, depending on whether I feel safe with you.
I think the most romantic part in a musical is when Maria and Captain Von Trapp are dancing a waltz and she has to stop because she is in love with him--and he with her.
I want to believe that is what love feels like.

I am always cold.

I cry a lot. I sleep best when alone. I think mean people do suck.
I am still waiting to meet my soulmate. But I am not looking.
I like peeps.
Spring flowers are the best because they smell funny.
I bite my nails when I drive. I like to see movies alone. I prefer to be alone.
Mali Kafta is my favorite indian dish. I also like papidam.
I feel things on a deeper level than most. I hate cigarettes.
I am a good kisser. I like it when guys wear suits. I hate hair. The clothes in my closet are color-coded. I think the Beatles were more talented than the Stones.
I cannot stand laziness in people.
I have to recite the alphabet song when I am trying to remember where certain letters are (like in the phone book)
I cannot remember the last time I went out for fun with people. I hate sitting in the passenger side of any car, especially my own car. I have a mole on the back of my left thigh. I have an addiction to chapstick. I have been called emotionally draining. I daydream a lot. If I were an animal I would be a seal. I miss intimacy but I am afraid to trust anyone with my heart ever again.
so, what about you?