John said...
I understand. One risks throwing pearls to swine. But swine look very nice in pearls. They glimmer in the mud. Some of them, after a awhile, take off their pig costumes.
Or...
Sometimes a spirtital experience is like having surgery. You hesitate to remove the bandages until you know that the healing has been completed. And even then...
Or...
You risk trivializing your experience by sharing it as you would any daily anecdote. Somehow you want to preface, "This thing I'm about to share with you, please, do not take lightly. For it has changed my life. If you would know me, then know that I need you to "feel" what I'm about to say. But what happens is that people may skim like they always do.
But...
I have found that despite the aforementioned apprehensions, it is best to shine with all your might. Forgoe Kipling's advice to be humble. Just shine, baby! Writing is all practice. You never get to the point of complete satisfaction. Also you won't always get the reaction that you're looking for.
But...
Sometimes...sometimes...it all works out. You turn around to someone with tears in their eyes, moved by you. You turn around and someone is laughing, entertained by you. You realize that there are no pigs and that you have no pearls. You have no time - every moment of possession was an illusion. It is then that I heave ho. Give it up.
I look in the mirror, see a pig. See a man. See a being. See nothing. See everything. Whoops, I'm wearing pearls - who gave them to me. I forgot. Pearls all around, anonymous pearls. I will scatter any pearl that I find - quickly! before it's too late.
With my diamond seconds, golden minutes, platinum hours, and titanium days, I will find the pearls, throw them high, and be contented to know that my life was filled with jewels. Jewels of my temporary possession; never really mine to take or to give; but they came my way - I passed them on. The more I gave away, the more that landed at my feet.
Maybe...
Maybe this is the way it is. Maybe not. Maybe I became so engaged in metaphor that, at best, I've a muddy pearl.
Maybe...
Muddy pearls is all we'll ever have.
c said...
well, does a lump in one's throat count?
I hope you live your life the way you write.
Thanks John. Thanks for getting it.
6/01/2005
the fourth chakra
I walked along the highway tonight at sundown. The sunset was like a watercolor and the air was the perfect temperature for contemplation and exertion.
It was the blossoming clover along the banks of the road that caught my eye, so I decided to collect a little for myself. I love the smell of fresh clover.
We have an interesting relationship, the highway and me. And never living so close to one before, I couldn't imagine it as anything more than a nuisance. I have grown to understand, if not love its foibles.
Did some yoga tonight and was reminded how far I have yet to go. Sat-Nam.
My heart hopes you are well.
It was the blossoming clover along the banks of the road that caught my eye, so I decided to collect a little for myself. I love the smell of fresh clover.
We have an interesting relationship, the highway and me. And never living so close to one before, I couldn't imagine it as anything more than a nuisance. I have grown to understand, if not love its foibles.
Did some yoga tonight and was reminded how far I have yet to go. Sat-Nam.
My heart hopes you are well.
5/30/2005
who's to say..
Monday. Memorial Day. (scroll down for a few new thoughts if you read this post earlier..) and new photos (scroll further).
I arrived home not long ago from spending the weekend with Lilly and family. My alarm clock was blinking 4:49 4:49 4:49 and the plant sitting on the window got a serious soaking. Must have had a storm? Next time I will remember to close the window.
I am sore from playing serious kickball with a team of 10, 11 and 12 year-olds from the neighborhood. My brother-in-law, Dave and I (two 35 year olds)and my daughter against everyone else. I think the final score was 17-10 and the pre-teens prevailed. Getting out of bed this morning had me feeling the damage and cursing the kid who had me sliding into second (I was safe!). My ass has a bruise as big as a pickle on it. Lovely. Man, I miss the spry days.
***
Other Unrelated Stuff:
Thursday night I had a chance to see a pal play at Max's Place. He did a few original pieces on guitar; then later he played banjo with a tight group: fiddle, upright bass, and two guitars. I felt at ease and at home. It was nice to feel that way for a change.
I bought a potty for Lilly on Friday. We talked about it and she tested it out, moved it around to see where she wanted to keep it. Finally she said, "poopie" so I thought, ok, let's see what happens. We shed the pants and diaper in the main room, put the potty out in front.
"NO, MOMMY, GO AWAY."
So, I found something to do in the bedroom.
A minute later I see her under her table with that sheepish look cats get when they shit in places that they know they shouldn't. She had pooped under the table.
It was quite the lesson, what with scooping up the poop, putting it in her potty, wiping wiping...she liked that part..then taking it to the big potty to flush. The whole thing took about 45 minutes, and although she went through more wipes than necessary, I didn't mind.
Kids certainly make us better people.
Looking forward to grading papers, mixing few cds, planning my trip to the Falls and BW3's later--if I can ride my bike over without getting KILLED on Second Street. I am gonna win NTN's Jukebox again--it feels good to kick everyone's butt at trivia about Wham!, Hall and Oats and Madonna. What about you?
***
Couldn't help myself today
I bought a novelty album...covers from the good old days with a French Twist--Nouvelle Vague. David Byrne produced it, so you know what that means if you know David Byrne and the Talking Heads--what i'm talking about.
Anyway, good (cover)stuff from Joy Division, Clash, Dead Kennedys, Depeche Mode, Public Image, Samples, XTC (making plans for Nigel) and Modern English's "I'll Melt with You." Let me know if you want a copy...
Did some card work Friday.
I have to sit back and wait.
"But I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery."
I am watching a fun film called Illuminata Good stuff.
Great dialouge-but silly film (so much for fine thoughts.).
I don't know why I am captured by films about the theatre during the Renaissance. First it was STAGE STRUCK, this weekend ILLUMINATA.
Did I mention I HATE cliches.
My post is dumb-- I feel like a real Mid-westerner today, whatever that means.
I arrived home not long ago from spending the weekend with Lilly and family. My alarm clock was blinking 4:49 4:49 4:49 and the plant sitting on the window got a serious soaking. Must have had a storm? Next time I will remember to close the window.
I am sore from playing serious kickball with a team of 10, 11 and 12 year-olds from the neighborhood. My brother-in-law, Dave and I (two 35 year olds)and my daughter against everyone else. I think the final score was 17-10 and the pre-teens prevailed. Getting out of bed this morning had me feeling the damage and cursing the kid who had me sliding into second (I was safe!). My ass has a bruise as big as a pickle on it. Lovely. Man, I miss the spry days.
***
Other Unrelated Stuff:
Thursday night I had a chance to see a pal play at Max's Place. He did a few original pieces on guitar; then later he played banjo with a tight group: fiddle, upright bass, and two guitars. I felt at ease and at home. It was nice to feel that way for a change.
I bought a potty for Lilly on Friday. We talked about it and she tested it out, moved it around to see where she wanted to keep it. Finally she said, "poopie" so I thought, ok, let's see what happens. We shed the pants and diaper in the main room, put the potty out in front.
"NO, MOMMY, GO AWAY."
So, I found something to do in the bedroom.
A minute later I see her under her table with that sheepish look cats get when they shit in places that they know they shouldn't. She had pooped under the table.
It was quite the lesson, what with scooping up the poop, putting it in her potty, wiping wiping...she liked that part..then taking it to the big potty to flush. The whole thing took about 45 minutes, and although she went through more wipes than necessary, I didn't mind.
Kids certainly make us better people.
Looking forward to grading papers, mixing few cds, planning my trip to the Falls and BW3's later--if I can ride my bike over without getting KILLED on Second Street. I am gonna win NTN's Jukebox again--it feels good to kick everyone's butt at trivia about Wham!, Hall and Oats and Madonna. What about you?
***
Couldn't help myself today
I bought a novelty album...covers from the good old days with a French Twist--Nouvelle Vague. David Byrne produced it, so you know what that means if you know David Byrne and the Talking Heads--what i'm talking about.
Anyway, good (cover)stuff from Joy Division, Clash, Dead Kennedys, Depeche Mode, Public Image, Samples, XTC (making plans for Nigel) and Modern English's "I'll Melt with You." Let me know if you want a copy...
Did some card work Friday.
I have to sit back and wait.
"But I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery."
I am watching a fun film called Illuminata Good stuff.
Great dialouge-but silly film (so much for fine thoughts.).
I don't know why I am captured by films about the theatre during the Renaissance. First it was STAGE STRUCK, this weekend ILLUMINATA.
Did I mention I HATE cliches.
My post is dumb-- I feel like a real Mid-westerner today, whatever that means.
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