kama sutra

Open your arms as far as they will go/ We take off your dress /An embarrassing poem/ Was written when I was alone/ In love with you
I shook down those lines /To shine up the streets /I got up off my hands and knees /To thank my lucky stars that you're not me
-JTweedy

I've been holding on to that lyric for some time now. Seemed ok today.

And tonight things are fine.
Am grateful for those who have been patient and kind-you know who you are. Thanks for standing by.

SUNDAY EDITION:

Woke in a panic this morning, the kind of panic that settles in the pit of my stomach and remains there, eating away at its lining. It is such a different feeling from the calm that carried over from yoga yesterday. Here's the panic:
I have no idea how I am going to pay for some big ticket items this week--rent, court costs and lawyer are of major concern. Besides, it is so awful to have to sit down with someone and hash out debt acquired over years-- it just saps the old energy. This mountain is difficult to climb. You know, you've been there.

So I am climbing inside myself today to gather the strength to make it through the week--knowing that this, too, is only a temporary limitation.

countdown

*Stardust: The birds are chirping in the mornings again. I hear them around 7:41.

*Old Friends: It's funny how we lose people and then they come back to us. I got my Jimmy back again. And the best part about us--it feels like not a day has passed since we got pulled over in his blue vega late on a school night (numerous times, actually). And thanks. You said just what I needed to hear.

*Baby Love: when I picked my girl up from daycare today she touched my face softly with her hand and said to the babysitter, "mommy is pretty."

*Fade into You: played it for the first time in years tonight. Still felt the same.

raven hair

Looking into the basin of the sink, I watched the remains of color swirl around the bowl and down the drain. The dye has stained my fingers and sides of my face. I examine carefully the black pieces meant to cover up my god-given blonde. I pause for a moment to stare at the strange face in the mirror. She waxes philisophical....

*Jesus spoke in metaphors and that is probably why they crucified him. They didn't understand what he was trying to do or to say. Why is our message so often distorted--and we crucified?

*Words cut and stain like indelible ink. Words can also manipulate, destroy, seduce, and sooth.

* We see ourselves in the faces of those we love--that is why we love them. We believe that one person can see us for who we are, but actually we see those qualities we like in ourselves reflecting back to us. So, when that person no longer holds up the mirror, what is left to see?

*On starting over:
How can one convey that, "She is not the person I am. This is who I am now."
I know what I am to do. But practicing and preaching are two completely different things.
And perhaps this is why we are here in this lifetime. You preach--I practice.
Let the rewiring continue.

somewhere in time

I just finished watching this movie with the late Christopher Reeve, Jane Seymour and Christopher Plummer. I remember back in 1993 a coffeeshop boy name Eric told me this was the most romantic movie ever made. Tonight was my first time seeing it.
Would a man give up so much, would he persist all because of love?
Is this bliss? Is this joy? Is this what we live for?
What I wouldn't give for that feeling once again.

gospel of john

On a whim I rented The Gospel of John. Much to my surprise, I found myself reciting the verses from years of study and prayer. I am not sure why tonight the 4th book of the new testament made such an impact-but the miracles, the parables and my creed, my kyrie made sense.
And Jesus is easy on the eyes in this film. Damn. Lookout Mary Mag..he is a babe.