While I was making my daughter dinner, she stood by the front door holding her coat. "Outside?" and "Daddy?" were the only words I could make out of her babble.
Scenes from Mrs. Doubtfire played through my mind. I put the spoon down and went to her.
***
6:15 a.m. traffic rolls on Second Street. We have our routines and most folks who are up and out at this time generally move a lot faster than the rest of the population. I appreciate that. But some days I envy the type B person. Leisurely sipping coffee, reading the paper and whatever else they do...try living with one of these people. A lesson in patience, let me tell you.
I am slowly wading into the holidays. My favorite time of year (ugh). Today I dug out Messiah. "The Halleulah Chorus" always puts a lump in my throat the size of a softball. Handel beats the crap out of that miserable, peppy Vince G. and his trio playing those tired Charlie Brown Songs.
Lolita is moving right along. I find it disturbing (perhaps with a young nymphette of my own) that there are predators in my own backyard lusting after young girls.
***
11/18/2004
11/16/2004
"The true seeker"
"Only when the lamp of search, of earnest striving, of longing desire, of passionate devotion, of fervid love, of rapture, and ecstasy, is kindled within the seeker's heart, and the breeze of His loving-kindness is wafted upon his soul, will the darkness of error be dispelled, the mists of doubts and misgivings be dissipated, and the lights of knowledge and certitude envelop his being.
At that hour will the mystic Herald, bearing the joyful tidings of the Spirit, shine forth from the City of God resplendent as the morn, and, through the trumpet-blast of knowledge, will awaken the heart, the soul, and the spirit from the slumber of negligence.
Then will the manifold favours and outpouring grace of the holy and everlasting Spirit confer such new life upon the seeker that he will find himself endowed with a new eye, a new ear, a new heart, and a new mind. He will contemplate the manifest signs of the universe, and will penetrate the hidden mysteries of the soul.
Gazing with the eye of God, he will perceive within every atom a door that leadeth him to the stations of absolute certitude. He will discover in all things the mysteries of divine Revelation and the evidences of an everlasting manifestation."
-Baha'u'llah (Kitab-i-Iqan)
red tape.
people chomping on their apples or potato chips.
awkward silence in lunch rooms.
slow-witted people--and the combination slow wit and slow driving.
mirages.
people who don't get the hint when you obviously want them to leave.
asumptions.
10:45a.m. Courts Office
Metal detector, chain smokers outside--toothless, pathetic.
While bitterly attempting to file the papers-I was sent on the "red tape trip", as I like to call it. I was missing something-er-other...I think she said provisional order? By the way, they close at 4p.m. Great(sarcasm).
Parking down town. High Heels and rain. Enough said.
11:00a.m. next stop: obtaining provincial order.
Entered wrong door, had to backtrack outside to front.
Waited for clearance.
"Legal Services please," I said impatiently.
"She's on vacation and won't be back until next week. And then will only be in on Monday because of Thanksgiving and all..."
"Right. Thanksgiving," I whipsered bitterly under my breath. Thanks giving. Giving thanks. I am giving thanks that I left before I said something I would later regret.
11:15a.m. Back onstage
Students waiting in my room to see me.
Publicity is delayed, need exact dimentions for set, choregrapher going to be late today, girl tells me she can't make rehearsal because of an appointment.
Resident skipper eating lunch in room--chomping chomping. I told him to get out.
And I still blush in your presence....
At that hour will the mystic Herald, bearing the joyful tidings of the Spirit, shine forth from the City of God resplendent as the morn, and, through the trumpet-blast of knowledge, will awaken the heart, the soul, and the spirit from the slumber of negligence.
Then will the manifold favours and outpouring grace of the holy and everlasting Spirit confer such new life upon the seeker that he will find himself endowed with a new eye, a new ear, a new heart, and a new mind. He will contemplate the manifest signs of the universe, and will penetrate the hidden mysteries of the soul.
Gazing with the eye of God, he will perceive within every atom a door that leadeth him to the stations of absolute certitude. He will discover in all things the mysteries of divine Revelation and the evidences of an everlasting manifestation."
-Baha'u'llah (Kitab-i-Iqan)
red tape.
people chomping on their apples or potato chips.
awkward silence in lunch rooms.
slow-witted people--and the combination slow wit and slow driving.
mirages.
people who don't get the hint when you obviously want them to leave.
asumptions.
10:45a.m. Courts Office
Metal detector, chain smokers outside--toothless, pathetic.
While bitterly attempting to file the papers-I was sent on the "red tape trip", as I like to call it. I was missing something-er-other...I think she said provisional order? By the way, they close at 4p.m. Great(sarcasm).
Parking down town. High Heels and rain. Enough said.
11:00a.m. next stop: obtaining provincial order.
Entered wrong door, had to backtrack outside to front.
Waited for clearance.
"Legal Services please," I said impatiently.
"She's on vacation and won't be back until next week. And then will only be in on Monday because of Thanksgiving and all..."
"Right. Thanksgiving," I whipsered bitterly under my breath. Thanks giving. Giving thanks. I am giving thanks that I left before I said something I would later regret.
11:15a.m. Back onstage
Students waiting in my room to see me.
Publicity is delayed, need exact dimentions for set, choregrapher going to be late today, girl tells me she can't make rehearsal because of an appointment.
Resident skipper eating lunch in room--chomping chomping. I told him to get out.
And I still blush in your presence....
11/15/2004
Rung dry
She wrapped her arms 'round my neck
and with an elvish look kissed me goodnight.
her warm body motionless, relaxed next to mine
my thumb pressed in the palm of her hand,
fingers exploring--assuring herself that I was still there.
where else would I want to be?
she gives me reason
to try harder and wait for a warmer season.
***
"No soliciting"
I think my neighbor is dead. I have never met him-her but
I am sure some night my silent room will be disturbed by the heavy footfalls of Coroner Toomey.
For several days I noted a trash bag loaded with garbage outside his apartment door. The first few days it didn't bother me--but the weekend passed and still it remained.
So I caved.
I made an extra trip out to the dumpster and tossed the bag over the side. We share a common floor--just the phantom neighbor and me--
Here's hoping he is alive and well. If not, I pray there was nothing noteworthy in that trash bag. Mr. Toomey will come a' knocking on my door asking me questions....looking for clues.
and with an elvish look kissed me goodnight.
her warm body motionless, relaxed next to mine
my thumb pressed in the palm of her hand,
fingers exploring--assuring herself that I was still there.
where else would I want to be?
she gives me reason
to try harder and wait for a warmer season.
***
"No soliciting"
I think my neighbor is dead. I have never met him-her but
I am sure some night my silent room will be disturbed by the heavy footfalls of Coroner Toomey.
For several days I noted a trash bag loaded with garbage outside his apartment door. The first few days it didn't bother me--but the weekend passed and still it remained.
So I caved.
I made an extra trip out to the dumpster and tossed the bag over the side. We share a common floor--just the phantom neighbor and me--
Here's hoping he is alive and well. If not, I pray there was nothing noteworthy in that trash bag. Mr. Toomey will come a' knocking on my door asking me questions....looking for clues.
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