"Pictures of Lilly"

vola

"There was a brief good-by. 'It certainly was pleasant,' said Hingham, looking away. Beyond some trees, across the sand, a great neon sign of a roadhouse glowed red. Hingham always went there for a beer when he was tired of writing. He was very lonely, he wanted to get back to New York. It was sad to see his tall figure receding in the dark as we drove away, just like the other figures in New York and New Orleans: they stand uncertainly underneath immense skies, and everything about them is drowned. Where go? what do? what for--? sleep.
But this foolish gang was bending onward." 8 "The Legend of Duluoz" On The Road

It's another end to another school year.
I've closed the book, locked the door--my car awaits with windows down.

For me, there is always this panic of uncertainty--now what the fuck do I do?
I hate that feeling.
Fortunately it will pass and I will be wading in the cool, deep water of summertime.

Goodbye to you, my dear friends moving on.
I will miss you.

now, I need to take that giant leap of faith---

a nervous tick-motion

The heart is such a delicate muscle. Mine has been hurting for a few days. To compensate for the ache, I have taken in a few movies:

Grosse Point Blank (thanks Josh for recommending it)
Team America (don't ask...)
Kinsey

Also saw Andrew Bird at Second Story Saturday night. When people describe me as intense, I wonder if they have ever seen this guy. I mean, he is intense to the point where his obsession with music would make it extremely difficult to have a conversation with him (I am only speculating). You could see his devout passion as he played--even as he talked about playing. Inspiring. I left on such a high.

I hung around the studio, sat in on the Bomb Diggidty show with Sarah--afterwards, I picked up The Mountain Goats new cd.


This evening Lilly and I left the apartment, greeted by lovely Indiana skies-it was humid and hot but the sun was out. Within ten minutes of driving from 2nd to the park we were caught in a huge downpour. Through the storm clouds, a bright rainbow appeared. I stood in the empty parking lot with Lilly in my arms, rain pummeling us from all sides and we laughed (and then she cried, as I put her back in the car seat). By the time we arrived back home, not ten minutes later, the rain had stopped and the sun was breaking through the clouds. Steam was rising.

Too much change for me at once-I think that is the problem. It's just too much. I know I cannot control what happens or why it happens. I just wish it didn't affect me so.

A great quote from Grosse Point Blank-- "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you--it's broken." One way to look at it, I suppose.