I am leaving for South Carolina Monday night. Family vacation. Hmmm--
That right there is an oxymoron. There is no such thing.
12 hours in the car, the air on too cold, crappy music, regimented plans, 90 degree weather in the shade, no privacy and limited drinking. Please don't force me to play golf with you dad, you have a -4 handicap. It is total humiliation. I hate to say it but it would be more of a vacation if they just took Lilly and gave me a week alone to relax.
These days run together like streams into rivers and rivers into bays and bays into oceans. I wonder if this is how old people feel--waiting to die, the little bird resting on my shoulder, "Tell me, little bird. Is today the day?"
OK--edit post.
Sunday 11:56 a.m.
I had to deacon last minute today at church. It's funny when you start to feel sorry for yourself God hits you square in the face with a lesson.
Guess what the texts were on:
Vanity, greed, and selfishness. So much for mysterious ways.
I got it. Thanks.
It was cool distributing communion today. I watched this man actually take the wine and do this cool thing to release his sin. I mean, I could tell that ws what he was doing. Purging.
I watched this other guy throughout the service. I was actually concerned he might pass out; he kept holding himself up on the chair in front of him.
He took the chalice from me and I saw his whole demeanor change. Weird.
So, better mood today. Gots to live my baptism not drown in it.
7/31/2004
7/29/2004
Purging
2:37 p.m. Thursday.
I have spent the last two days pitching everything that is rendered useless, collecting dust, is a constant reminder of the past or taking up space. It feels good.
I got rid of at least 50 cds, a shitload of clothes and unused wedding presents and finally sold my 1967 Mustang Fender and bass amp. Next is the road bike
I am trying to live simply. No attachment to material things.
Things have been tough for me lately. Have you ever had that sensation when swimming in a larger body of water when the temperature plummets-- and you know you are no longer in shallow (safe) waters? That is the feeling.
I am extremely lonely.
My dream last night was frightening. I was back in school. I had a paper due the next day. A big one. The following day I also had a paper and a midterm. I was using an old battered typewriter to type--having trouble with the spacing and margins, etc. etc.
I needed to make copies for the paper using a few texts. The copy machines ( forgot after working in the copy machine Mecca that is my school) that you had to PAY for copies. The line was growing. I dug around for some change (I was flat broke) and went back to wait my turn. The machines were high off the ground--at least ten feet and to use them you had to stand on this piece of metal.
Lilly was with me and I tried to hoist her up as I was trying to make my copies. Not happening.
So this man said he would hold her while I finished up. I looked in his eyes, he was black with light green eyes. He looked trustworthy. The copies took some time. I turned to check on Lilly and they were gone.
A chase ensued with the abductor's younger brother, who led me around a freeway to the scene of a hideous crime. It was night.
Lights were flashing. I drove past slowly, hysterical. A man on the street told me there were no human remains. She had burned to death and the fiery ball was tossed into the river below. I doubled over.
Then I woke up to check on her.
I have spent the last two days pitching everything that is rendered useless, collecting dust, is a constant reminder of the past or taking up space. It feels good.
I got rid of at least 50 cds, a shitload of clothes and unused wedding presents and finally sold my 1967 Mustang Fender and bass amp. Next is the road bike
I am trying to live simply. No attachment to material things.
Things have been tough for me lately. Have you ever had that sensation when swimming in a larger body of water when the temperature plummets-- and you know you are no longer in shallow (safe) waters? That is the feeling.
I am extremely lonely.
My dream last night was frightening. I was back in school. I had a paper due the next day. A big one. The following day I also had a paper and a midterm. I was using an old battered typewriter to type--having trouble with the spacing and margins, etc. etc.
I needed to make copies for the paper using a few texts. The copy machines ( forgot after working in the copy machine Mecca that is my school) that you had to PAY for copies. The line was growing. I dug around for some change (I was flat broke) and went back to wait my turn. The machines were high off the ground--at least ten feet and to use them you had to stand on this piece of metal.
Lilly was with me and I tried to hoist her up as I was trying to make my copies. Not happening.
So this man said he would hold her while I finished up. I looked in his eyes, he was black with light green eyes. He looked trustworthy. The copies took some time. I turned to check on Lilly and they were gone.
A chase ensued with the abductor's younger brother, who led me around a freeway to the scene of a hideous crime. It was night.
Lights were flashing. I drove past slowly, hysterical. A man on the street told me there were no human remains. She had burned to death and the fiery ball was tossed into the river below. I doubled over.
Then I woke up to check on her.
7/27/2004
Habitual study and 2nd thoughts
Tuesday 9:05 a.m. Preface
Writing my reflections paper has proved to be difficult for several reasons.
While I continue to get the reminding nudge from our very own J. Beatty, I am having trouble sitting down to write. I have tried on numerous occasions, only to shut the computer off and putter around the room without a thought in my head.
here's the problem:
I see this document as closure, and with closure that pulls me further from the participants, the experience we shared, and the leadership team that organized the whole affair for us. And as Grace so eloquently put it, making the whole things seem more dreamlike an otherworldly than actuality.
I am partial to beginnings myself, so as I mentioned in my first attempt at submission (bento box blog) I will make this a working document. That way it fulfils iie's requirements of writing this paper but it gives me a chance to continue the story, with no denouement and something that I will add to as it comes to me.
So, in this working document, I hope to focus on a few things.
1) expectations and perceptions prior to the trip.
2) terms and myths that capture the Japanese spirit.
3) the well-oiled machine that is the Japanese People.
4) comparing the East and the West.
5) how all parts of the theme are intertwined, interconnected and necessary:
"the whole equals the sum of its parts."
Writing my reflections paper has proved to be difficult for several reasons.
While I continue to get the reminding nudge from our very own J. Beatty, I am having trouble sitting down to write. I have tried on numerous occasions, only to shut the computer off and putter around the room without a thought in my head.
here's the problem:
I see this document as closure, and with closure that pulls me further from the participants, the experience we shared, and the leadership team that organized the whole affair for us. And as Grace so eloquently put it, making the whole things seem more dreamlike an otherworldly than actuality.
I am partial to beginnings myself, so as I mentioned in my first attempt at submission (bento box blog) I will make this a working document. That way it fulfils iie's requirements of writing this paper but it gives me a chance to continue the story, with no denouement and something that I will add to as it comes to me.
So, in this working document, I hope to focus on a few things.
1) expectations and perceptions prior to the trip.
2) terms and myths that capture the Japanese spirit.
3) the well-oiled machine that is the Japanese People.
4) comparing the East and the West.
5) how all parts of the theme are intertwined, interconnected and necessary:
"the whole equals the sum of its parts."
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