a step away from collapse

I fell on the playing field
the work of an errant heel
the din of the crowd and the loud commotion
went deafening silence and stopped emotion
the season was almost done
we managed it 12 to 1
so far I had known no humiliation
in front of my friends and close relations

There's my father looking on
and there's my girlfriend arm in arm
with the captain of the other team
and all of this is clear to me
they condescend and fix on me a frown
how they love the sporting life

And father had had such hopes
for a son who would take the ropes
and fulfill all his old athletic aspirations
but apparently now there's some complications
but while I am lying here
trying to fight the tears
I'll prove to the crowd that I come out stronger
though I think I might lie here a little longer

There's my coach he's looking down
the disappointment in his knitted brow
I should've known
he thinks again
I never should have put him in
he turns and loads the lemonade away
and breathes in deep
the sporting life
the sporting life
the sporting life
how he loves...

While battling the maddening rush on Second Street early afternoon on a Monday, I turned on the radio in my rental car. Decemberists' "Sporting Life" came on. Usually I am perturbed by the people driving on the roads, keeping me from reaching my appointed destination (usually to pick up Lilly) on time. But the song pacified like nicotine does a smoker, and I sat at the stoplights (all 6 of them) without blood pressure rising. The only thing missing was a companion to sing with me.

Later I drove home from rehersal and the lights were in the process of changing over to stop and yield. I moved leisurely through the same strip of road at my own pace, exhausted. The whispering and sighing of my tires in the rain was soothing and I took my time getting back to the darkened apartment. Times like these I always wish there was someone to come home to. Sat in the tub with epsom salts and waited for sleep to approach.

Today's fatigue resembles that of a hangover from a really terrible party which, if it were better I wouldn't have had to drink so much in the first place. I stumble from place to place in a sort of haze, always running into the right people at the wrong time.

I don't understand what this means but wish I did.