I cry “sanctuary!”

“And I am nothing of a builder, but here I dreamt I was an architect and I built this balustrade to keep you home, to keep you safe from the outside world. But the angles and the corners (even though my work is unparalleled) never seemed to meet, the structure fell about our feet and we were free to go.”
- #2 from Castaways and Cutouts

It’s a funny thing-- I was a brilliant architect who designed cathedrals that were exquisite and controversial—structures in Spain that were beyond compare. And now, in this life I am trying to do the very same thing on a much smaller scale. Alas, the limitations destroy my infinite belief in possibility.

I hear the news about union actions, board meetings, my friends and colleagues losing their jobs; I see my own numbers down in arts classes and the bile in my gut begins to boil. The trite expressions of hands being tied, or it comes from the top have me wishing I fit into the mainstream somewhere. I despise the feeling of powerlessness on all fronts. What is happening to the world?

When asked to read an article by Margaret Wheatley entitled “Turning to one Another: Simple Conversations to restore hope to the future” I started to think about thinking.

So often I find myself putting off thinking because the issues are painful, complex, and often times unanswerable. So I do some trivial-frivolous activity, or mount the most time-consuming productions to avoid it all together. When idle time rears it’s ugly head, I ignore the much-needed time to reflect. I need to think. And I need to let you do the same.

My past (other lives included) dictate that I am a person of action—I am too impulsive, too spontaneous, too passionate. I frighten people off with my intensity and persistence. I have felt more impatient and unfulfilled than usual. I have not made time for activities essential to fostering peace in myself. I am not sure how to approach the people who mean the most to me—praying for him/her to take the reigns and get conversation started. It is such a wicked paradox.

These thought are scattered. I struggle daily with my feelings. I work to be more patient. I wait for the nod from you.

your shadow and my light

Hello. I am sipping dry champagne in bed. It's a nice way to end the day but I just wish I didn't have the chronic tireds. I am looking forward to working out late, sitting in the Y hot tub and tooling around town after school tomorrow. What will I do with the time?

It has been a long-- satisfying weekend. And Anton did get his Lavender rose. He had his beau's number written in ink on his hand. At least one of us got our wish.

Found another artist worth mentioning-- Lou Barlow.
His latest Emoh album deserves a listen. The tune "Puzzle" was playing on the radio while driving home in the pouring rain last week. I sat in the apartment parking lot sobbing until it finished.
I also heard a new Yo La Tengo release "Prisoners of Love." Gave me the chills. I don't know what is wrong with me these days...

Something's coming
I don't know
what it is
but it is
gonna be great.
Emoh