Sarah Smile

“The cure for unhappiness is happiness, I don’t care what anyone says.”
-Elizabeth McCracken, Niagara Falls All Over Again

(Opening quote from Nick Hornby’s new novel A Long Way Down . The back cover reads, “ One New Year‘s Eve, four people with very different reasons but a common purpose…at the heart (it) isn‘t really about suicide itself, it‘s more about what happens when you don‘t kill yourself…)

It was strangely coincidental that I decided to start this book last night. I was hoping to begin reading much earlier in the weekend --being a long holiday weekend and all. But family obligations kept me up and away from the book. I have this small group of students who read voraciously. 2-3 books a week. So, after much poking and fuss, I finally got This One out of Nate S.

It wasn’t until I arrived at work and read my email when I found out.
She killed herself. With a gun. Shot herself in the heart.
That was not part of the email. Nate was the one who told me.

Her teenage son, a student at my school, found her the morning after Thanksgiving.

It gets more complicated: She had been with my theatre students the previous day for dinner; showing little sign of distress. Just the usual blues. Divorced mother, 52, doctorate, stressful job at a prestigious school, YMCA regular. Who would have thought?

I lay in bed with my daughter while she drifted off to sleep, thinking about life and happiness. Why do we go on living? What is the point? The simple joys are so fleeting and under whelming; life is so monotonous and painful--why continue?
Well, because we have no choice. We must go on, despite all that haunts us, all the retribution and pain and suffering. Even after watching AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH and wondering will there be a place on this earth for my daughter 50 years from now?

I have hope. It’s not too late for happiness.

Sarah, wherever you are right now, I hope you are happy.