St. Patrick's Day thoughts

Thursday morning, March 20: My first morning: blank pages: a blank page. Tired still, but warm and comfortable. Resolved not to go out: outside the slithering soggy sound of cars speeding through wet. Snow falling when I woke: black varnishing slick roads, but hanging to tree and roof top in idea of the icy shackles.---journals of Sylvia Plath

I'm still in bed--watching the cars pass by on highway 37. The sun is reflecting off the cars that remain in the lot-frost still on the tops of them. Birds are chirping outside--probably enjoying my newly planted seeds. Read on for more.
It is after 9am. Part of the reason I am still in bed is that I can be. Other reason is that I have been working out hard and then putting in 7 hours on the set--so I cannot move today. I hate the bed when it gets too warm in one place. I have to move to the cold, untouched side of the bed. I will make a terrible invalid.

The week has been interesting. I just finished watching a film called Wilbur (wants to kill himself) and started What the (bleep) do we know?
As I mentioned, I've been working on the show--both on set and director stuff. Have been reading Sylvia Plath's journals and letters home. Today I have three letters of recommendation to write, will paint some more and then over to Irish Lion for a Guiness.

Telepathy

I have been troubled by a heated, one-sided conversation I had with my sister the other night. It angers me when people criticize others about their situation or suggest that they are "spinning their wheels" when if they would only stop and look at their own choices (or lackthereof) they would shut their mouths and not give unwanted advice. I also know that she talks daily with my parents, and so this is the message from mom and dad. This is the way my family communicates. Channeling, Assumptions and Telepathy.
I stopped talking to everyone because when the story comes back to me it's worse than four-year-olds playing the telephone game.


Krogering

I ran into a couple from the old life on Tuesday. Most of the time people are pretty kind and just look at me, politely say hello and move on. What they talk about later is their own business. But this was a strange encounter. I was so bothered by it that I had to stand and stare at the beans and rice for a minute or two until they passed. Unfortunately, we met again at the check-out. I am the same person, folks. I am a cool, fun-loving, thrill-seeking introvert who has had some bad times. I am not a freak--don't look at me like I am.

Planting Seeds for Spring

For Lilly's birhtday I decided last year that I would buy her a perennial to plant each year. That way, we could talk about the flowers from previous years and she would have a nice garden to tend as she gets older(or I'll tend). For her easter basket, I bought books and seeds. Oh yeah, and peeps. Every kid has to experience Peeps.
So we planted the seeds outside my apartment on Tuesday: alissum, zinneas, cosmos and marigolds. Lilly was more interested in digging up worms than planting seeds, but hopefully she'll like the flowers that bloom in May.

Apartment Living
ONe thing I have started to do while living in this apartment is notice the cars in the lot. Lately there have been cars that I have never seen before. I try to figure out who has moved in, who is visiting, who has a new girlfriend. The Red 4-Runner that parks in the handicapped spot for convenience, the black sedan with front European license plate who backs in to the space, the black Chevy pick-up truck..who are these people?
Ahh, transient living. We come and we go.

Nosey Janitors
As I was working on building, Tom the maintenance guy came by to "check on me". I assume he was the one voulnteered to get the latest on my marital status and bring it back to the boys in office. Men are such dogs. Somehow it came out that I am a vegetarian and that I don't have a t.v. He stood there puzzled, holding my hammer and said, "You don't have a t.v. and you don't eat meat? What the hell do you do all day?"

These are my thoughts today. A round of Green Beer on me.

spring break cont.

Monday.
"...a vivified awakening after 10 hours of sleep and the queer dark and white empty campus at nine, not a soul, not a car- a nightmare sequence preparing, the class building unlit." Friday, March 14, journals of Sylvia Plath

I woke again in a panic at 7:10. I cried out in my sleep last night-- something that always scares me. I woke not knowing what frightened me so--I just knew something was there, floating in my mind, causing me to scream, clutching my covers over my head, waiting for my breathing to calm.

I mentioned that spring is a very hard time for me. I think it can be more difficult than enduring the fall. So, in like a lamb and out like a lion? At least it isn't a demon, or could it be?
Another point of concern for me: I keep befriending folks who have no interest in me or what I have to give to them or to the world. It hardens the heart. At least the behavior is predictible--the silent treatment and disappearing act. Alas--another sad goodbye.

MORE ON TODAY (after noon):
I am sitting in a new favorite restaurant (Roots) drinking a Bells Amber and enjoying an amazing bowl of butternut squash and cornbread. Outstanding.
It has been a fine day today. It is sunny and warm lots of people out and about it has been lovely.

This weekend gave me an opportunity to catch up with my oldest friend. Sad to say she has had a rough go at it and still isn't happy, but has settled on the life she has. I hope that never happens to me.

I was working out today and since I am between books opted for Rolling Stone. There was a quote from Green Day that read, "It's sexy to be an angry young man, not a bitter old bastard." It had me laughing outloud-maybe because I know several bitter old bastards these days.

ciao--