“At the end of what is called the "sexual life" the only love which has lasted is the love which has everything, every disappointment, every failure and every betrayal, which has accepted even the sad fact that in the end there is no desire so deep as the simple desire for companionship."
-Graham Greene

--is this why our parents stay together?

December 3, 2005. 9:05 a.m.
I have weened myself from the blog. No longer do I read it, write on it or keep up with it. Today, however, I am proctoring the SAT, so here I am.

Now that I am completely settled into the new place, I am finally at home. Picking up the last of my belongings from a house I lived in for 8 years was gut-wrenching. I left so much of the past life behind—photos, televisions, furniture, unnecessary stuff. It was liberating.

I recently saw ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW and BROKEN FLOWERS.Both movies worth a look-see. Tonight I plan to see either THE CONSTANT GARDENER or Steve Martin’s new one, SHOPGIRL.

I am enjoying this new-found solo-celibate life. It is simple. Uncomplicated.
I am the master of my moods—of my choices. I like the comfortable arms-reach distance placed between myself and others. Nothing stirs—nothing hurts. Sure, companionship would be a nice addition, but with that comes emotional attachment. And not far behind—loss, deception, pain. It comes crashing down. Why does the human heart and mind constantly seek a soul mate when it knows that it is an impossibility?

WFHB has been a satisfying outlet for my muse-ic cravings..my latest favs include: Wilco's Live in Chicago Kicking Television, Broken Social Scene, The Clientele Strange Geometry, and even The Southland Influence of Geometry. Never appreciated geometry much--but on these albums it's fine.
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I don't think about the past now. The only time I do is in the occasional nightmare. Then I am plagued only in waking time by those haunted feelings and those empty faces once again.