7/22

Today is July 22nd. I flip to my calendar and see that I have about 3 weeks left.
I had several goals set out for this summer, one of which was to cleanse myself of relationships that weren't working and find someone new. And I am half way there.
My heart is closed to the past and open to the future.

Sometimes I feel the winds of change just around the corner. I see a glint of possibility only to watch them retreat and disappear. Then the measuring stick of comparison comes out. I watch everyone around me happily coupling off, taking fabulous trips and doing exciting things.. and I remain solo. As if asking someone to go out with me isn't hard enough, it is worse to be rejected over and over again.
So, I stopped asking.

I am trying to look forward to an event planned that will be fun. But things just don't seem all that exciting knowing I will be going alone. As much as I love the adventure, I am weary of traveling by myself.

Still, after 2 disastrous trips with guys, I vowed that I won't do that again until he is the right one. THE one.

It has been a disappointing summer on many levels. I suppose this was the summer to let go of the people that were going nowhere in my life and make way for the new.

If only fate could speed up that process.
If only....

looking forward...to the end....

Hello old friend.


It has been a long time. Thought I would catch you up to speed.
I had a dream last night.
Usually I don't remember my dreams, but this was one of those indelible dreams that stays with you for days, if not forever.
I am still uncertain to whether or not it was the end of the world, or just the end of MY world as I know it. Still there was a lot going on with flooding waters, sinking parking garages and people deciding to jump or drown. The freak show that ensued afterward that was my choice of jumping was no picnic, let me tell you. But watching the folks sitting on the sinking concrete disappear into the muddy waters below, was haunting. What does it all mean, I ask you?

Anyway, life buzzes by in such a blur. I spend too much time making plans for things that take relatively no time to do and it is over before I have a chance to enjoy or even reflect upon it. I am currently planning things for January and July and am missing the very things I planned back in December to enjoy now.


Must live in the now, you know?

here I am

I am standing by the river
I will be standing here forever
Tho you're on the other side
My face you still can see
Why won't you look at me
Here l am

Today was a grey, gloomy Sunday here in South-Central Indiana. It's the time of year when folks give up the fight simply because it so damned depressing outside that one can only dream of summertime or kill oneself. The obit. section is littered with the faces of those who were unable to make it til spring.

I have a confession.
I have not posted in months.

But as Emmylou puts it...here I am...



I am searching thru the canyon
It is your name that I am calling
Tho you're so far away
I know you hear my plea
Why won't you answer me
Here I am

I am in the blood of your heart
The breath of your lung
Why do you run for cover
You are from the dirt of the earth
And the kiss of my mouth
I have always been your lover
Here I am

I am the promise never broken
And my arms are ever open
In this harbor calm and still
I will wait until
Until you come to me
Here I am