cookie cutter

Some days I can manage the stress on my own.
I do my best to look at all the positive things in my life--say that others have it way worse and that is enough. I have a great job, great students, I manage to pay my bills on time and have a little food to get through each week. I have a great daughter and a few close friends to share most victories and pratfalls.

But there are days.

There are days when it takes everything that I have be the pillar of strength, to not want to break down; to just stop. The wheels are moving so fast and the pressure continues, the demands and requests pile up and I can barely keep my head above water.

I see my body wilting away into nothing as the stress continues to take its toll on me and my appetite. I try to not feel overwhelmed by it all..
I am so tired. I need someone to be there when I get home--to rub out the stress and tension built up so much that my back is a series of knots and I can no long straighten myself upright.
I want to be able to decompress after these eternal stretches of doubt and uncertainty and feeling incomplete and the lack of human touch or love from another.

Sometimes at night while lying there alone, I see this gingerbread cookie cutout in my mind. and with my fingers I imagine a razor blade reshaping the form to be perfect. But what is perfect?
I am not even close.