"Sunny Day"

Strange how the loss of someone who was once a part of your life makes you appreciate those around you who ARE actively engaged in it. And going through a process of loss together strengthen those relationships even more. My friends have been great this week especially with being there, saying what needed to be said, and knowing when to just sit with me.

Similar to the 9-11 tragedy, I love the way the teachers, counselors, administrators and staff at my school bonded and became stronger as we worked through losing Elena. I am proud to work at a place where we are a family.

Today promises to be busy with so much I want to do and no definite plans. That can be dangerous for me, as I tend to get sidetracked and without plans in place, I end up doing something completely different than expected. I should just make a list.

Things are looking good from here. I feel stronger and better than I did August 1st. Back in the groove!

"seeking ugly women for Aussie lonely hearts"

...was the title in the paper today under Nation and World, I kid you not. As a woman struggling with the question of what is fucking wrong with me, my next thought was, "Why not move to Australia?"
AP is quoted as to saying, "Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face, whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness."
Well damn. I want some fucking degree of happiness. I should cut my hair..oh, too late for that...I should wear an eye patch and just let myself go like so many others have already.

Fuck it. I am moving to Australia.

on Elena

While enjoying the Harvest Moon last night just before heading to bed, I wish I had known that you were gone.

***
Losing someone close to you is difficult, especially when you don't see it coming.
Frightening as it may sound, Last week while running I had a vision of a headline, "Friend, Mother, Beloved Teacher Dies...City Mourns the Loss"
Usually I write off these dreams and visions, but this one caught my attention.
In the midst of the run, I considered what would happen if a young, popular teacher would die in an accident? My mind continued on this thought, how the faculty, students and friends would be in shock. By the end of the run, I set those thoughts aside, knowing how close-knit our faculty is and how much a family we all are. That is one of the many things I love about working where I do.
So, when receiving the word late last night about Elena, I was and am still in shock.

For now, I must process this...this vibrant woman who just 3 days ago was sitting next to me, wishing her unborn son would arrive SOON and how much fun she had on the first family vacation with her 2yr-old daughter.

I miss her smile, her laugh and her bright personality.