I cry “sanctuary!”

“And I am nothing of a builder, but here I dreamt I was an architect and I built this balustrade to keep you home, to keep you safe from the outside world. But the angles and the corners (even though my work is unparalleled) never seemed to meet, the structure fell about our feet and we were free to go.”
- #2 from Castaways and Cutouts

It’s a funny thing-- I was a brilliant architect who designed cathedrals that were exquisite and controversial—structures in Spain that were beyond compare. And now, in this life I am trying to do the very same thing on a much smaller scale. Alas, the limitations destroy my infinite belief in possibility.

I hear the news about union actions, board meetings, my friends and colleagues losing their jobs; I see my own numbers down in arts classes and the bile in my gut begins to boil. The trite expressions of hands being tied, or it comes from the top have me wishing I fit into the mainstream somewhere. I despise the feeling of powerlessness on all fronts. What is happening to the world?

When asked to read an article by Margaret Wheatley entitled “Turning to one Another: Simple Conversations to restore hope to the future” I started to think about thinking.

So often I find myself putting off thinking because the issues are painful, complex, and often times unanswerable. So I do some trivial-frivolous activity, or mount the most time-consuming productions to avoid it all together. When idle time rears it’s ugly head, I ignore the much-needed time to reflect. I need to think. And I need to let you do the same.

My past (other lives included) dictate that I am a person of action—I am too impulsive, too spontaneous, too passionate. I frighten people off with my intensity and persistence. I have felt more impatient and unfulfilled than usual. I have not made time for activities essential to fostering peace in myself. I am not sure how to approach the people who mean the most to me—praying for him/her to take the reigns and get conversation started. It is such a wicked paradox.

These thought are scattered. I struggle daily with my feelings. I work to be more patient. I wait for the nod from you.