Purging

2:37 p.m. Thursday.
I have spent the last two days pitching everything that is rendered useless, collecting dust, is a constant reminder of the past or taking up space. It feels good.

I got rid of at least 50 cds, a shitload of clothes and unused wedding presents and finally sold my 1967 Mustang Fender and bass amp. Next is the road bike

I am trying to live simply. No attachment to material things.

Things have been tough for me lately. Have you ever had that sensation when swimming in a larger body of water when the temperature plummets-- and you know you are no longer in shallow (safe) waters? That is the feeling.
I am extremely lonely.


My dream last night was frightening. I was back in school. I had a paper due the next day. A big one. The following day I also had a paper and a midterm. I was using an old battered typewriter to type--having trouble with the spacing and margins, etc. etc.
I needed to make copies for the paper using a few texts. The copy machines ( forgot after working in the copy machine Mecca that is my school) that you had to PAY for copies. The line was growing. I dug around for some change (I was flat broke) and went back to wait my turn. The machines were high off the ground--at least ten feet and to use them you had to stand on this piece of metal.
Lilly was with me and I tried to hoist her up as I was trying to make my copies. Not happening.
So this man said he would hold her while I finished up. I looked in his eyes, he was black with light green eyes. He looked trustworthy. The copies took some time. I turned to check on Lilly and they were gone.
A chase ensued with the abductor's younger brother, who led me around a freeway to the scene of a hideous crime. It was night.
Lights were flashing. I drove past slowly, hysterical. A man on the street told me there were no human remains. She had burned to death and the fiery ball was tossed into the river below. I doubled over.
Then I woke up to check on her.