a new favorite

it's funny what time does to a person. i spent the whole of my afternoon scrutinizing and observing my colleagues-- you can see the tired look in some eyes; the hopeful, inspired look in others. others you see the unspeakable hollow pain that only the eyes can reflect. still others there is a deep sadness,loneliness and longing; and still in others i see the prolonged abuse of drugs and booze to escape life's tragic events--or just life. i fit somewhere in the midst of that endless highway of life.

some people never seem to leave my mind. they linger there and the smallest of detail washes over--hands, eyes, lips, gate, voice, chest. others whom I have known for a lifetime are a fleeting thought; a memory or a character read in a book by chekhov. bitter lip biting, leaves caught in a wind tunnel, phermones strong and overpowering. its an unquenchable thirst--i put my head down, set my jaw and slip into the night.

when i used to perform, once the butterflies ceased, i knew it was time to give it up. the audience would be able to see in your eyes the insincerity of the performance.
this is the first year i don't feel the butterflies.

just finished reading chapter 1 in richard bloeslavsky's book on acting "concentration". my friend said that was the only book on acting i would ever need. he was right. right on.