easter tidings

"Today was the day Jesus died."
This came up a few times in class today while I was teaching. It is interesting to me how the most important holiday in the Christian calendar--and the only one I give any real meditation-- is treated with such little regard. Those few kids speak in whispers--afraid of being alienated. They keep to themselves. "He is risen," one will say.
"He is risen indeed," will be the knee-jerk response. Kindof like peace be with you.

I guess it's good that Easter isn't something that is commercialized as much as Christmas. But what sort of ad campaigning can you do with a guy being crucified on a cross? I guess we should ask Mel Gibson. Either way it comes up yucky.

It feels strange this year for me. And yet, my absence in actively participating in Lenten practices or biblical readings, fastings, vespers and prayer meditation, my apathy and general lack of energy and interest has me wondering...

I am sitting here eating a Cadberry Egg and drinking a glass of wine.
And know what? I don't feel guilty about it. But I don't feel good--I don't feel--anything. Maybe that is the trouble. Somewhere between guilt and good.
I want to find that place.

Lately, I have started to workout mornings. My schedule does not allow for leisure after school sessions. I cannot remember the last time I showered in my own home.
Every morning I meet the same women in the locker room. We have become, in a sense, sisters. Sure, we are in various stages of undress, busily preening in place--most of the time naked while talking about our lives-- but the spirit in the cramped, upstairs quaters of the YMCA is charged and positive--it feels more like a sorority house than a health club.

I miss my private morning time and meditation, but the comeradity felt mornings before 7 is worth getting out of bed--most days.

So I'll be on the radio soon. First for the fund drive--eee gad.

Something is still missing...Where are you? What are you? Who are you?