on a blue background, venus shines

this morning the stars were so clear against the midnight blue sky. I love morning skies. They change so quickly, too.

so glad it's monday. even though there were distractions this weekend, i absolutely hate them. always stressful, lonely, exhausting. and there is no place to call sanctuary. I am just reminded of where i SHOULD be, what I SHOULD be doing (or more specifically cleaning), what i SHOULD be preparing for next week. when i do actually take some time for me, guilt settles in. my time is limited to a few fleeting hours, the timeclock clicking away the minutes, reminding me that for every hour of freedom, there is a price that must be paid.

I am currently stuck in the 12th house and have been for about a month. the 12th house is the lowest time of year for most people. mine happens to fall in what is usually considered the best, most beautiful and romantic time. bah--

needless to say, I am spinning serious wheel again. no time to read, study or do anything that remotely resembles who i am or what i feel. it's just stuck in there--like a crucible--waiting to dispel its contents, searching for that point of catharsis, the gasping breath after being emerged in water too long, the cracked window...

this song made me cry this a.m. sad but true.
some people will remain at arm's reach.

"Spanish Dancer"
****
Oh mama when you were a young girl
Did you ever love a man so much
As if he were some fantastic jewel
That you should never be worthy of
But all those illusions strip and fall
And he is just a man after all

And just like that Spanish dancer
I throw my roses down for him
Across these beds of darkness
He opens his arms and gathers them in
Just like that Spanish dancer
I throw my rose down for him
Across these beds of darkness
He opens his arms and gathers them in
*** Patti Scialfa