change is gonna come

It's that time of year again. Sure, it may be 93 degress and so humid you must take a shower after going down to the mailbox, but the change is coming.

First of all, everything smells different. It's almost as if the trees and grass and flowers know that autumn is coming. Like a dog looking for his familiar sniffs while walking, I too have those places I look for in my daily run: the Sycamore tree smell, the moist smells of decaying plant matter, the Pine trees, dewy morning smells, late night smells, pool smell, fresh cut meadow. The smells of summer soothe me and linger for months without much change.

I like that. Summer to me symbolizes so many things. Most of all it represents constancy and freedom. I delight in knowing today will be 89 degrees and sunny, tomorrow will be 89 degrees and sunny, the next day and the next. Indefinitely. I suppose nature is more constant than my relationships, so I cling to the one constant I know.

But whether due to the heat and humidity, the drought or the sun setting earlier now, the leaves are starting to change and fall. I crunch them under my feet as I run and cringe. Change is coming.

Most people love the fall and the many picturesque changes that come with it. I must admit that next to April, October is the second hardest month to endure. In fact, I think it is now the hardest month for me....

October seems to represent so many different things: marriages, birthdays, parties, romantic encounters, cool holidays, etc. But it for me symbolizes the loss of all of those things, those memories and those people. Add the leaves falling and the death of summer, and it's a crappy combination for me.

I see it coming every year and feel the same each time. And it's coming.
Someone I spoke with this week was talking to me about time being the best healer. He was right for the most part, in that it takes time to get myself on the other side of losing things. But nothing changes the fact that every year at this time all of those lost things creep back into my consciousness and I go through each death once again.