throw-away society

today after buying my grande, non-fat latte at Starbucks with a plastic lid and paper sleeve, I took a plastic spoon from the counter, mixed in raw sugar, pitched the paper sugar container and threw the spoon in the trash can. I felt guilty upon leaving. I should have licked the spoon and put it back in the container.

It's cold and dark out today. A full moon tonight--
and it is August 30. I suck in to avoid the blow to stomach whenever I think something may inflict pain.

I slept on the couch and dreamed of my old church in Florida, St. Mark's. There was a Catholic confirmation in process and I was the lay reader. I sat in back. It felt like I was in a show more than a worship service. There was a train ride just to get to the altar. I never made it to the front for some reason--not even during communion. The trainride was endless.
Later, I contracted herpies but had no idea how. Passing miles of chintz and antique stores, my dad found a Walgreens and bought me and my sisters single stem roses. Mine was orange. They were hideous. There were special buds for sale at teh counter for $6.50 each. They were as big as a softball and floated on the water like those cheesy candles at an evening wedding reception.
We had to return the money collected at the offertory to the church. My sister Becky thought one of us stole her money. It was in a paper envelope stuck in a wad at the bottom of my purse.
My great aunt showed up (she is 87) and then we went to the house to eat ham.

I woke up drenched in sweat, covered in blankets--Lilly curled up under my arm.
Today is August 30. Are you ready?