"caracola" (snail)

They have brought me a snail.

Inside it sings
a map-green ocean.
My heart
swells with water,
with small fish
of brown and silver.

They have brought me a snail.
--Federico Garcia Lorca

This short but delicious poem is sitting on my computer at school. It was given to me by a sweet student named Ros. S. on "poem in your pocket day"
Today I read it for the first time since May.

Isn't it epiphonic (is that a word?) and delightful when you put something away for awhile--whether you lose it, leave it, bury it, fly from it, hide it or just let it rest that you can pick it up again after a time and it still has meaning, brings joy, offers peace and solace, stirs memory or even better-- offers something new to you?

I think that when sudden life changes occur, by taking time away from what they actually mean for our lives we can begin to interpret them--our lives and ourselves in a fresh, new way.

This poem seems to have a much more rich and subtle meaning to me today than it did when I first read it in May.

Thanks to all who contributed to making that happen. I love you all.

"..and I've never been to Boston in the fall..."

If you know this quote then you probably have kids...or are a kid yourself and shouldn't be reading this blog.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing Boston this fall. Never been--would love to go.

push-pull

"...Her restless heart has set its sail
She can feel the waves washing over
She knows what life with you entails
You love her strength you despise your weakness...

Your jealous heart has won the day
You can feel the darkness creeping over
She paid the man and sailed away
Leaving you your incompleteness..."
Colin Hay
fm. "Don't Wait Up"

I am allowing myself time today. I am not going to look at the clock, knowing that I need to be somewhere or expected to pick someone up, drop someone off, meet someone here or there, talk to colleagues who have returned to school....just not going to do it.

I am going to sit here and write.

Lately I have been bombarded with negative occurrences and crappy situations. I can try to look at these per usual: as a way to be stronger, to realize I am not as grounded or focused as I usually am, bad karma coming back full speed for the terrible things I have done, evil spirits taunting me because life has started to turn up. I know what they are. I just know that they have caused some stress and inconvenience for me (not to mention $$$$$).

I have blogged about this before. Things start going well and then I have a series of unrelated bad luck happenings.

Currently I am torn between my life as it was and my life as it could be. I am trying to live truthfully--for myself and for others. While rushing through the streets of London on a particularly cold and rainy day, I realized I was not doing that. I was lying to myself and to others about what it was I needed for myself. Not sure I know that what is now, but I know what it isn't.

School is fast approaching and I am not ready. Still facing these issues now is a blessing, I suppose.

Still the demons chase me, haunt me, mock me and I am running like hell find something beautiful. Something pure and beautiful. Catch me if you can.

my summer sun

wow. the last couple of days..not sure what is happening in the universe, but someone is trying to tell me something.

so, i knew the annual lock-out was coming. last year it was a 90 degree day--friday night at 500p.m. at my sister's place. i was wearing nothing but a bikini. ticket price+$75.00 for the lesbian amazon to get me back in (and dressed).

today--perhaps it was irony since a lost friend had returned my extra key to me yesterday. i went out for me morning run and workout, in a bit of a hurry to get in and take a shower, with my schedule laid out in front of me: shower, soma, swim lessons, work, etc...
and then there was the overdraft on my account.

i strive to be a fair and above board person. it bothers me to be dishonest. A lot.
so knowing that i have hurt someone--especially someone I care about really feels yucky.

am looking forward to living truthfully to myself the people i love. and i do love....

euro, part 2

I have finally resurfaced from the whirlwind tour. As with any trip I take, there is too much to say about it; too many moments that would not be fully understood unless you were there. I had the chance to talk with my dad last night about the trip and we whittled it down to a few highlights for this trip:

Versailles
Normandy, Omaha Beach, Peace Museum
Florence in general
St Peter's Church in Vatican City

I was most surprised at how we as Americans were treated so poorly. you can definitely feel the effects of the war over the past 3 years...at least since the last time I traveled overseas.

Lots of interesting surprises on this trip. Just goes to show that if you aren't looking for something--it is then that it hits you square in the face, blows you away with awe and changes you--- forever.

ciao!

I found it.