Tides of the Moon

TO WHOM I CAN BELONG MORE THAN ONCE

I can tell you how it rains on a summer day
and make you feel it fall on your window pane--
I--your woman, a poet--have such powers.

I can make you unbolt your door, wait for me
when I say I have finished my day’s work, I need rest--
I -- your woman, a poet -- a thousand miles apart.

I can give you heaven on an average day, even
when I talk to you about the life that doesn’t love us--
I -- your woman, a poet -- calm you in your nights.

I can write for you alone, on a wordless universe
and make you feel my god, to whom I can belong more than once--
I -- your woman, a poet -- can make you immortal with a song.

Lekshmy Sujathan Kerala, India 2003

that one's for you, Blue.

Finally, a break in the rain, if only briefly. I woke early to bright blinds and faint sunshine, refreshed and smiling. The lull of summer has taken root and I am contented with unstructured activities. Still, something in me longs for productivity. I slip back into evil thought patterns of guilt and self deprication when I consider a day, or a long stretch of days, doing absolutely nothing.

I spent quite a bit of time thinking about my show for this week, and although most of the listening audience had no idea, I was happy with the songs--not so much the delivery on my end. Only a few technical glitches and dead air, but good music.
I sometimes fantasize that someone will call in and start a dialogue similar to Minnie Driver and John Cusack in Grosse Point Blank. Wishful Thinking.

The summer has been full of music and movies for me, but little else. I have tabled the idea of meeting someone to spend time, at least for awhile. I'm still trying to repair an old wound--it just seems to split open just when I think I am healed. It will be easier come the first of August, I hope.

It's funny what you fail to recognize about yourself. It's important to have others to point out the positives, especially if you tend to dismiss good qualities as quirky or insignificant.
Two examples:
After visiting a fossil store with my sister, upon leaving my sister said to me,

"That guy was totally checking you out!" She blurted, pushing me out the door.

"What guy?"

"The one you were talking to about the petrified wood. Didn't you notice? You had a conversation with him. He was watching you the entire time we were in the store."

"..Um...was there a guy in the store?"

"Oh my God, Catharine, you are hopeless."

Hopeless? Maybe. Oblivious, yes.

Example 2:

I recently got back in touch with a fellow teacher from Alabama that I met on the Japan trip last summer. I was missing the country and its kind people--since we were over there on July 4th I was reminded again how much I felt at home there.

John's words were soothing and smart, thoughtful, articulate and kind, just as I remebered them to be a year prior. Again, he reminded me of things about myself that I tend to gloss over. A short excerpt from his recent email read:
You remain one of the most genuine, spontaneous, and honest people I have met in a long life spent in a lot of places, and you are one of the select few who instantly
spring to my mind as the epitome of the spirit of the trip.

I recently read (I am embarassed to tell the source--but let's just say it was YMCA material..) that the best present you can give to a woman is your undivided attention. I don't know many men in my past that were willing or able to do that. But John's emails to me were more attentive than any man I have encountered in the past four years--easily. So thanks John.

New Music that is pretty good (a real mix of stuff here...):
Daniel Lanois-Belledonna
Erin McGeown--We've become like birds
STARS- set yourself on fire
Feist -let it die
Moaners- dark snack
Odawas-Aether Eater
String Cheese Incident- One Step Closer
Bruce Springstein- Dogs and Devils
The Hold Steady (don't know the album title)
Willie Nelson: Countrymen
and a new album that I cannot rememer the artist but the album is called
Iron Flowers.

Movies I have recently seen:

Chopin: love and passion
The Station Agent
Flaming Lips: Fearless Freaks
Being Julia
Zelig (woody allen)
Alice (woody allen)
The Life Aquatic

Hoping to see:
ENRON: the smartest guys in the room
Willie Nelson at the Vogue


That's all for now. Ciao.